Elias....

Saturday, four of us went and auditioned for Northwest Iowa Honor Band. Only three of us got in, but that's not why I was celebrating. So I was standing at the concession stand after my audition and all of a sudden...this REALLY cute guy starts to talk to me. I thought that maybe he was just being nice and it was all just going to blow over. Not exactly. We started hanging out more and getting more comfortable around each other. I suggested that we went walking around...cuz we were STILL waiting for the results. So we started walking around and we held hands. We kept talking...then all of a sudden he said, "The more I talk to you, the more I want to kiss you." My heart went crazy. I agreed, and so we made out for two minutes at least! It was AMAZING! His name was Elias...and he has really soft lips. Needless to say...we both made it, so I can't wait for January 10th!

Awkwardness......I HATE IT

I know it's not right for me to worry about guys because I have an amazing love, but there are times when I just have to say something to someone. I was at a concert last Saturday with my "friends" and I wasn't thinking that it was going to be a good time..... Until...I saw that a good friend of mine was playing with his band. I was pretty glad to see someone else there who probably wasn't feeling the whole screamo crap stuff. We were talking about some pretty deep stuff...and I just blurted it out. It was like "Mike, I really like you." DAMNIT!!!! WHY do I have to be SO STUPID!!!! He just kind of took it and let it go. Then we had a hayride at church on Sunday and I was talking to him. He was just like..."I don't have the same feelings." That was pretty much it. Now it's all awkwardness and whatnot.

Times Go By.....

Wow...I can't believe how fast time has gone by....I was watching a DVD Erika made for us in youth group, and I couldn't believe how different we all looked....and how much time had passed. But looking back on it all, I realized how much fun it was. There were some pretty great times: the EXTREME hayride, Revolve, Prom, bonfires, and even Challenge(though it wasn't very long ago!) I found it very fun to recollect some of the memories I've had with everyone....and they made it very fun! I thought about how God was in the center of all that fun, and how He rejoices when His people are gathered in His name and having fun and fellowship. I found myself spiritually encouraged when I thought of that! I can't wait to see what God has in store next!
Also I was thinking how fast time has gone by with age. I mean....seemed like just yesterday I was starting Junior High and now here I am 15 with my permit and almost starting sophomore year! Wow....it's crazy to think about that!

Suicidal

God, I feel so suicidal right now....I just want to slice my wrists open and bleed. I feel like I'm walking around as a nothing. I feel so empty and numb inside. I don't know what spurred these feelings, but when I was holding my dad's box cutter, I wanted to take the blade and go into the bathroom and let it cut me. I don't know if it's because I'm drinking, but I feel so cruddy right now.....

The REAL Challenge 2008!

Wow....I just got back about a week and a half ago from Challenge! It was amazing like no other. God really revealed Himself to me on so many levels! I felt him call me to do so many things, the largest probably being to break up with my boyfriend. I was actually okay with it! Starfield was great, and seeing everyone worshipping God together, it was great! We even broke the world record for the largest kazoo band! We went to the Mormon Temple, and it was beautiful! It was sad to talk to some of the people, because they are so lost. They're close, yet far away from God. Then we went to the Salt Lake, and that was interesting to say the least. My favorite part would have to have been shopping and eating at Olive Garden on Thursday. It was a good afternoon leading to an impactful night. God spoke to me so powerfully, and I knew that I was changed forever. We were ready to go on Friday, July 4th, to return home. Well....let's just say that we didn't get home on the 4th and that it was a day to remember! We prepared to leave at 7:00 in the morning to drive through Utah, Wyoming, to rest for the night in Nebraska. We gathered to pray for our van that God would keep us safe. I remember Kate praying that guardian angels would surround the van. As we were driving through Wyoming on I-80, all of a sudden we hear this "BOOM" and dust went flying out of the tire thing on my side. Ryan managed to get the van pulled over to the side of the road. We all got out and inspected the damage. Our right side tire had lost its tread, and we could see it less than a mile behind us. As Aaron and Ryan were attempting to change it and put our rusty, cracked spare on, we prayed, thanking God that he kept us safe and that he would keep us safe on the rest of the way. We drove to Rawlins, Wyoming, thinking that we could get a replacement. So we were dropped off at Domino's Pizza while Aaron went to find a repair shop. He came back and said that everything was closed, being it the 4th. A local resident suggested that we drive to Laramie and go to the Wal-Mart there. So we did and we hung out for about an hour. Luckily they were able to get it fixed. About three hours later, we were driving through Nebraska. We were having fun, playing M.A.S.H and laughing. We were all watching our phones, waiting for the time change. All of a sudden, we hear this "KA-BOOM!" All was quiet for a split second, then suddenly we started swerving, and pushing 80 MPH, went into the median and did a 180 before the van came to a stop. Luckily our trailer had jackknifed, saving our van(which was on two wheels) from rolling. Out of 12 people in our van, only two were wearing their seatbelts. The amazing thing was that no one had a scratch. We just stopped for a second and Ryan prayed. People behind us stopped and helped us. The only internal damage that was done to the van was the passenger door hangle being ripped off(Ryan). No windows were smashed, except the windows on Sara and Desiree's side could have been smashed. The trailer had a giant dent in it, and the hitch was even dented! I had asked God that he would reveal himself to me...and let's just say he did! I thought about so many things that could have happened, and yet God was amazing and saved our lives. Just then I prayed, thanking God for this expierence, even though it wasn't the best way to show me, but God showed me His power.

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So sorry that i haven't written. So much has been going on! Prom was amazing-the greatest night of my life! I had so much fun that night because I got to dance with my bf and another guy that I like-John. Three days later, we had IJC. We got ninth, but we stayed in the nicest hotel. I got in trouble for being out of my room at 1:30 in the morning and i got locked out of my room! After that, well not much anything exciting. I'm officially a sophomore! YAY! This summer, I'm going to Utah on a youth group trip. I'm uber excited about that!

Life is Good

OMG!!!! Our jazz band qualified for State Jazz Championships on April 15th! We went to Charles City and won that competition for Class 2A! We stayed in a totally ghetto Super 8, and I got rejected by a guy, but I'm over it b/c he's not ready and I respect that. It was a great weekend!
So besides that everything is pretty much great. My mood has been better, and i'm not feeling so crappy all the time. Idk what it's been, but I guess life is starting to look up for me!