i'm as good as dead....

so...im pretty much contemplating suicide right now. like when i go home i'll probably slit my wrists and die. im so sick of the stuff in my life. i lost my best friend today. i broke up with my boyfriend and everyone is trying to make me sound like im the bad guy. i get treated like crap at school. i just quit the track team, and the coach put pretty much it all on me and freaked out on me. so to say the least, if i don't kill myself, i'll probably cut my wrists so deep though

is this really love?

so i'm in my first relationship. it's been four weeks and basically, it's enough to make me shoot myself. i don't feel any different when i'm around him, and i don't feel like he really cares about me. it seems as though this relationship i have has changed me because the happiness i have is not genuine. i fake it all the time. i am really sick of acting happy because all i long to do is kill myself. i feel like my heart is on a pedestal right now because of the relationship i am in, and i feel as though i am trying to change who i am in order to make my life go the way its supposed to go. i am tired of playing games with it. i want it to be over, but i don't want my heart to break any worse.

To Start Off......

i'm liz. i'm happy with where i am in life and i'm happy with my life, but i really don't like me. it's confusing. i'm generally a nice person unless you make me mad. i love God and i have an awesome youth group. i don't do anything illegal. i've never had a boyfriend, and i'm scared of rejection. i'll do anything to get attention, but i will not change to be someone's friend. i don't have a lot of friends, but i treasure the ones i have. i may not be the prettiest person or get a second glance, but that's alright with me. oh, and i use the word "uber" a lot.