is this really love?

so i'm in my first relationship. it's been four weeks and basically, it's enough to make me shoot myself. i don't feel any different when i'm around him, and i don't feel like he really cares about me. it seems as though this relationship i have has changed me because the happiness i have is not genuine. i fake it all the time. i am really sick of acting happy because all i long to do is kill myself. i feel like my heart is on a pedestal right now because of the relationship i am in, and i feel as though i am trying to change who i am in order to make my life go the way its supposed to go. i am tired of playing games with it. i want it to be over, but i don't want my heart to break any worse.